As an adult, you are in charge of your own behavior and under your own supervision. Quiet is at the Heart of Love Try things like having dinner together alone, sitting down to breakfast, and making a point of getting coffee together once a week. If both you and your spouse identify—and curtail—unhelpful words and actions, you may find it easier to move forward into healthy marital territory.
In difficult situations, a deeper level of insight is essential. Bare-knuckle fighting—even in an emotional sense—causes significant damage. Many unsavory behaviors are the result of events in early life: Challenging circumstances tend to create bias, which can taint your perspective. Consider What You Need This tip applies equally to unhappily married men and unhappily married women: Thankfully, there is a solution. Therapy Helps to Heal Therapy can be a great way to tackle marital problems in a safe space. Doing so may remind you just why you fell in love with your husband or wife in the first place. Forgive — Both of You Forgiveness is important. If you find yourself in this type of energy-guzzling trap, try to escape from it as soon as possible. In tough times, words often seem hollow. You have the power to foster real love, to nurture friendship, and to help your spouse heal. Get to Know Your Spouse You may not know your spouse as well as you assume. If you remain aware of this and seek advice from trusted friends or family members, you may be able to retain a clear, fair point of view. However, many other unions are gradually taken apart by both members of the couple. Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool and can help even the most unhappily married couple. Embrace and Enjoy the Good Times When you are married unhappily, difficult periods are often scattered with calmer intermissions. People are incredibly complex beings who change over time. If you can avoid nagging, nitpicking, and nastiness in general, the ambience in your home—and in your mind—will improve dramatically. You can tell your partner of your love on a daily basis without making a connection. Many marriages flourish in the light of constructive, nourishing change. Unfortunately, this tendency is often mutual, and it can become an unhealthy part of the relationship dynamic. Awards were never given for meanness and shrewd, underhanded tactics. Remember those emergency sick days you saved? Define and Celebrate the Best Parts of Your Spouse If you and your spouse have fallen into a negative routine, try a new approach: For example, you might want a bigger house or a slimmer spouse, but you do not need these things. Make time to discuss potential difficulties with your spouse during good times and create an action plan in advance.
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