Be understanding and patient The most significant indicator of a sexually abusive past is perhaps an aversion to sexual intimacy. Apart from the physical pain, what hurts most when abused as a child is the realization that no one, not even an adult from the circle of family or friends, is worthy of trust. Under such circumstances, you need to check your sexual advances and wait for your partner to heal herself before she can be comfortable with you in an intimate setting. This could be because subconsciously the person feels that she was in some way responsible for the abuse in the past, that she may have encouraged or invited, so to speak, the heinous act.
So you may find your girlfriend at times suspicious, jealous and highly emotionally insecure. Taken to an extreme, the inability to trust a partner may also result in commitment issues where despite finding herself compatible with you, she is unable to commit to the relationship. Thus rather than give in to such negative thoughts, it is far better that you and your partner seek out someone who will be able to help you through a complex situation and move ahead to a mutually fulfilling relationship. Be understanding and patient The most significant indicator of a sexually abusive past is perhaps an aversion to sexual intimacy. When your partner realizes there is no pressure on her to engage in intimacy, she will be able to better sort out her feelings with regard to her unhappy past and the present relationship. What you can do to in such a situation is to regularly appreciate her achievements and attributes — no matter how small they seem. Even in developed societies, women — especially when young — are prone to sexual abuse, whether at the hands of strangers, acquaintances or worst of all family members. If such self-destructive behavior is still in the initial stage, you could communicate your concerns to your partner. Offer support Yet another far-reaching consequence of sexual abuse is a lack of self-worth or even a latent sense of guilt in the victim. The memory of this abuse of trust makes it difficult for the victim to have faith in others, ever again. So if you feel that despite having a warm, fulfilling relationship otherwise, your girlfriend - inexplicably - keeps avoiding intimacy with you, it could mean she has been hurt in the past. When you feel that your partner wants to talk about her painful past, be sure to listen actively and later offer unconditional support. You might begin to feel that you have always been giving to the relationship and have got little in return. So you could compliment your girlfriend on the new hairdo that she has got or praise the new Italian recipe that she has tried out. Sexual abuse in childhood especially has a strong chance of being manifest as unwillingness to come close to a loved one. Under such circumstances, you need to check your sexual advances and wait for your partner to heal herself before she can be comfortable with you in an intimate setting. A therapist or counselor will go a long way in helping your partner work her way through past suffering and encourage her to take responsibility for her present. Give her enough time to find out that you are truly committed to the relationship. It is common for victims of abuse to give in to addictions related to drugs, alcohol, and sex or succumb to depression. Help her to trust again Women who have suffered sexual abuse as a child are particularly prone to having trust issues later in their adult relationships. This could be because subconsciously the person feels that she was in some way responsible for the abuse in the past, that she may have encouraged or invited, so to speak, the heinous act. Take professional help If you truly want to be with this woman but find yourself unable to cope with her emotional ups-and-downs despite your sincerest efforts, the only way left is to seek professional past. The essential thing is to keep reminding your partner that she is much more than a product of her painful past, that she has incredible potential and active possibilities to live a happy, meaningful life. Sooner or later, the person will have to take charge of her own life and put the demons of her past to rest. Love and sex by kalyani10 Women, despite the tremendous advance they have made since throwing off the shackles of patriarchy, still remain one of the most vulnerable groups ever.
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